Teachings: Mitzvah stories

First published in the Philadelphia Jewish Voice.

This is the story of how over a decade ago, my teacher Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi sent me to the grave of Reb Nachman of Breslov in Uman to ask a question of Reb Nachman's soul. Now, visiting dead rebbes was not the sort of work I had in mind at that phase of my life. Although I was already past the "fabrente" feminist phase of my development, I was very busy with creating vehicles for women's inclusion in Jewish leadership and researching herstory.

This story looks to the Hassidic world for ritual nuances which can benefit the spirit and bear consideration during wedding planning.

The Hurvah Synagogue in Jerusalem is to be the site of a dear friend's wedding held in the style of the Carliner Hassidim from which he learned late in life his family descends. During yeshiva studies in Israel he was assisted in becoming engaged to another baal teshuvah, "master of return", the phrase used for a Jewish person who has newly decided to fully enter the rigorous practices of a given orthodox community.

The car rolled over and over and in it the family and "my bat mitzvah girl" were slammed about. They all were miraculously alive when the vehicle came to a halt, two girls would require surgery and "my" recent bat mitzvah girl would be in a deep, unresponsive coma. Watching the parents, who deserved trauma care themselves, going from room to room of their wounded children, even these five years later, brings a rush of tears to my eyes.

Looking back, I remember my love for that congregation I served for almost ten years, and for this particular family. The anxiety and hopelessness grew huge in me, as to my eye, the hospital staff, hour by hour, appeared to be giving up on her. It was a series of days I shall also always remember, because it was when my intellectual and cultural understanding of Judaism was no longer enough. It was the first time I truly prayed, many years after graduating as a "trained rabbi."

Example story and teaching from Living Jewish Life Cycle: How to Create Meaningful Jewish Rites of Passage at Every Stage of Life by Rabbi Goldie Milgram

It is the heart-felt desire of the wedding couple for all present to welcome them with a simple chanting of a verse from the Song of Songs: "kol dodi hinei zeh bah, The Voice of My Beloved, Here It Comes." The couple close their eyes, swaying to the profound truth, savoring the holy sound of families and friends together.

First published in Living Jewish Life Cycle: How to Create Meaningful Jewish Rites of Passage for Every Stage of Life