Teachings: Funerals & Shloshim

Understanding Jewish Approaches to Dying and Burial

By: 
Rabbi Goldie Milgram

Considerations before Dying

Writing and regularly updating a legal will, an ethical will, a living will, and power of attorney for finance and health care; be sure to specify in your living will your intention to fulfill the mitzvah of organ donation.

Acquiring the deed to your kever, grave

Genesis 3:19: “for you are dust and to dust you will return.” Jewish tradition views humanity as created from earth, so we are responsible for the rapid return of our body’s remaining nutrients to the earth to support the cycle of all living things. Most traditionally, this is done within 24 hours. It is customary to pre-arrange a grave for yourself; many do this in late mid-life. Organizing a family plot with a pre-paid perpetual care contract reduces stress on future generations and creates a genealogical cluster of grave markers that may become meaningful to those who come long after you.

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A Tahara How-to Story

By: 
Rabbi Goldie Milgram

Long before I became a rabbi, a young social work colleague and mother of three was dying of a particularly virulent form of breast cancer. She called me one day to ask if we could meet privately because she had something to share and a favor to ask.

We met on the king-sized bed in her bedroom. She looked skeletal. Strewn upon the bed were all of her volunteer projects, tasks she kept up with until virtually her last breath. She wanted to share some of the wisdom and methods she’d gathered in her years as a social worker. What a profound honor; her ideas were very deep, and I use her methods to this day. Then came the “favor.”

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Do Jewish Burials Require a Coffin?

By: 
Rabbi Goldie Milgram

Dear Rabbi:

My cousin who is dying of pancreatic cancer keeps talking about wanting to be buried without a coffin. Don't Jewish funerals require a plain wooden box?

Thanks for the favor of your reply, Orna

Dear Orna:

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