What do I Put on a Jewish Headstone?

In many ways the process of deciding what to engrave on the headstone, matzeiva in Hebrew,  is part of the healing process. The headstone is generally placed within 3 and 11 months of the funeral. Literally, as the acute state of mourning moves into grieving, engraving their names, dates, and some of what is discussed below in stone that is witnessed at an unveiling and visited over the years is so deeply important and powerful. Even years later, if somehow family left this undone, or years were skipped out of anger, distance, and more, still profound. 

Stone is a powerful Biblical metaphor, and to understand this in relation to headstone, please see this article. 

While planning this for my parents', each in turn, the hardest part was to find a few words that might convey the essence of a parent that might sound a familiar chord with visitors and friends. For my mother we put the phrase we heard from her all our lives: [be] "Gentle, sweet, and kind."