Mitzvah Guidance

Dear Rabbi:

I'm know a couple who doesn't want wine or grape juice used for the wedding blessings. What's your opinion about this? Is there a good and honorable substitute?

with appreciation, Rabbi C

Dear Rabbi C:

a. I have had occasion to serve a congregation that often used a cluster of large purple grapes for all "wine-"related blessing moments due to the number of recovering alcoholics in that "bunch."

"Wash your hands!" This is a basic message which our inner child recognizes instantly. Increasing the moments of significance in life is a major function of spiritual practice. At times this leads life to resound with the beauty of pure awareness of the simple importance of a single movement.

Because change is one of the constants of Jewish life, the variations in customs, laws, and practices at any point in our history are quite fascinating. It’s important from the outset for you to be fully aware that individual homes, congregations, and even certain neighborhoods and individual communities within those neighborhoods, have their own uniquely nuanced Jewish culture, norms, and guidelines. For example, there are Jewish communities where the norm is:

“Shalom, this is Rabbi Milgram, how can I help you? Has there been a tragedy?”

“A disaster, Rabbi! My sister who is a baalat teshuvah, (newly Orthodox) says she will not attend my wedding for three reasons. One, because her husband can’t hear your voice, or any woman’s voice, leading a Jewish rite; two, because our hall’s kosher caterer is not approved by her local rabbi; and three, because there will be mixed seating and mixed dancing.

When life feels like an uphill climb,
accept it and head right to the Top;

a. It is a process to which a soul feels internally called.

b. This feeling may rise and fall, or ultimately abate. It may turn out that your soul needed to learn about Judaism, experience it and then return to another tradition or move on to another religion, no religion, or a different denominational context. There will be no hard feelings about this among your teachers, soul journeys vary in every life time.

c. Converstion involves a minimum of a year of study and engagement with the core practices of living as a Jew. During this time you will:

As the parent(s)/guardian(s) of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah student become known to their peers in religious school, or through another context, it becomes clear that this experience is an initiation for them too, into being parents of a(nother) teenager, an evolving adult. This is a season of new parenting skills and perspectives.

One community of which I am aware holds a session of Bar/Bat Mitzvah prep where the parent(s) aren’t present so that the youth can outline any concerns that have been repressed. At such a session an assignment is planned for the parent(s)/guardian(s) that will help them prepare for the B-mitzvah day.

A personal kehillah, "community" is a small group of mentors/advisors that the student and family create to meeting monthly and contemplate the roles and issues of adulthood, to help the student emerge with dignity and awareness into adult life. Besides, it's terrible to be isolated and this can happy in suburbia, small towns, and some families - here's how to get past all that to meaningful connections. [Credit for the basis of this idea is due to Rabbi Geelah Rayzl and Dr. Simcha Raphael.]

Once normal to civilizations,
The observance of holy days
Has become a radical spiritual act of self care.

Sacred time is shareware.
It’s free.
The only condition is you have to use it before you go,
There’s no refund at the finish line.