Example Shloshim Ritual

Jewish wisdom recognizes that deep mourning moves into grieving that also requires support and protection for the primary mourners. One resumes work and social duties after seven days, until after the 30th day, in respect for one's own state of grieving, one doesn't wear new clothes, get a haircut, shave, nor attend celebrations after religious events like a wedding, B-Mitzvah, or circumcision.

Thirty days, in Hebrew "shloshim",  is still a very tender time. Shloshim gatherings can be held on the 30th day (which begins the evening before) are times for those close to the deceased to share memories that are arising. This isn't usually advertised as a public event, and rather held at home, unless a person was very well known. Here's a model I like:

1. Consider opening with a gentle chant or song that was special to the person being remembered.

2. Take turns sharing a memory that is good to pass on about the person.  Some bring an object associated with the person being remember as a starting point for what they want to say. (Film discretely on video for future generations. If all agree this can livestreamed and/or recorded and later shared with those who couldn't make it. 

4. Reprise the opening melody to transition to:

5. A brief Jewish teaching to honor of the person's memory.

6. Kaddish d'Rabbanan or Debbie Friedman's version of it which is titled: "For Our Teachers" traditionally follows such a teaching.

7. If you wish, chant or read El Malei Rachamim

Read the traditional El Malei Rachamim (in gender balanced English interpretation here, and the traditional Hebrew is in transliteration below)

God full of compassion, you are beyond beyond our ability to comprehend
Grant perfect rest to free this soul of any remaining burdens or issues
as it travels upon on the wings of Shechinah  
among the pure, holy souls rising and shimmering like the firmament
for _______ [Hebrew name form. Example: Goldie bat Liba v'Shmuel]
has entered eternity.
May __________'s rest be Edenic
Compassionate One secret [this soul] eternally beneath your wings
May ____'s soul's ties [to us] remain alive 
in the inheritance of YHVH--the Divine Mystery 
May ____ rest in completion [peace]
And let us say, amen.

Hebrew for the El malei rachamim

 

6. If there is a minyan (quorum of 10) Mourner's Kaddish [2] is appropriate.

7. Now perhaps this prayer by Rabbi Goldie Milgram, also said at unveiling rituals.

Dear (aunt, uncle, mother, father, nephew, niece, cousin, friend....) ______________:

Reader #1: Your memory is sacred to us.
All Together: We will never forget you.
Reader #2: May the ongoing journey of your soul be joyful.
All Together: We will never forget you.
Reader #3: We will tell stories of your life.
All Together: We will never forget you.
Reader #4: Send us blessings when you can.
All Together: We will never forget you.

8. Close with music appreciated by the person you are remembering.

Note: This approach can also be adapted for Yizkor services in creative settings.