Book Review: Bringing Zayde Home

This review by Rabbi Goldie Milgram of Sheri Sinykin's Zeyde Comes to Live was first published in the Philadelphia Jewish Voice.

It takes a remarkable soul and talented writer to accomplish the simplicity, elegance and gentle support accomplished in Sheri Sinykin's award-winning children's book Zayde Comes to Live [1] with illustrations by Kristina Swarner. Zayde is Yiddish for grandfather and the grandparent does not need to live in your home for this powerful book to have great value. When family dynamics allow for it, the reciprocal love, between a grandparent and a grandchild can be one of life's most precious and memorable gifts. Even so a great challenge arises for those who live long enough, as the grandfather explains simply and clearly to his little granddaughter:

"My body is getting tired. I know you can see this. Soon that outside part of me will return to the earth."

The granddaughter responds with the eternal voice of the child to ask: "But what happens to the inside part of you?" It is here that we realize just how tenderly and accessibly the author has come to our rescue in the pages that have lead up to this poignant moment.

More after the jump.

"Now he lives in a sleeper-chair in the living room...He watches squirrels in the trees. And movies on TV. And me...."

Sinykin's Zayde gives us the perspectives and words we may well need in our mouths for accompanying our family members, and no less ourselves, with dignity and kindness to the very end. Each of the little granddaughter's observations of Zayde's changes in status help us to normalize and accept as living life's final chapter.

"When we read, he gets out of breath and I say, "It's okay, Zayde. Let me."

The granddaughter learns from friends about their traditions' after death traditions ideas. And she asks her rabbi:

"Is Zayde dying?" I ask him, because rabbis do not lie."

I love the rabbi's answer; his name is Rabbi Lev. Lev means "heart" in Hebrew. And when the granddaughter continues, after the rabbi answers, she asks:

"When Zayde dies...what will happen to him?"

Every page is important reading rich in child-appropriate responses and approaches in response to which the granddaughter's imagination takes off in such healthy and helpful ways. This is a reminder to us how adult-style thinking and worry can get in the way of simply loving and living in each moment. Our souls travel with hers and Zayde's.

Time progresses. Zayde sleeps more and more. Sinykin continutes to show us how to relate, with simple inquiry, just like the granddaughter does.

"What were you dreaming about, Zayde?"

The granddaughter's voice, deliberately nameless, becomes our own.

"'I don't want you to die, Zadye.' Her voice "whispers like his air machine.'"

The grandfather's response when she says this is perfect. I urge everyone to read this book. It is certainly what I want to be able to tell my grandchildren someday, rooted in shalom, the Hebrew word for peace and completeness.

The author the granddaughter begin to collect memories about her grandfather, while he yet lives. Each step of the way, this read-over-and over-styled book prepares us to create and receive comfort, intimacy and meaning for living. The title, Zayde Comes to Live [1], contains a pun so beautiful as to immediately inspire us toward a deeper understanding of this time of life.

The only fault with the volume is the opportunity lost by author and illustrator to honor diversity in Jewish families, by reflecting some diversity within the family itself, a Sephardi relative or main character perhaps. Nono is grandfather in Ladino, and nona is grandmother. That said, the illustrations are very accessible windows in and of themselves into heartfelt, thoughtful, healthy exploration for all faiths into this step of the way forward for each and every soul.

Did I mention today is my father's yahrzeit? Yahrzeitis Yiddish for the annual memorial for a soul's passing, the Ladino term is nahala. Last night, as is traditional, we lit a memorial candle at home because a single flame is the Jewish symbol for a soul. The candle is burning beside me as I write this review of yahrzeit, which I first read a year ago, when it first came out. Life was too painful to write on this topic then, so soon after several traumatic deaths of loved ones, and not at all the fault of the volume.

It's not so easy to write when crying — even so, the tears are good tears and the memories of many good times together are beautiful to revisit. I do wish that Zayde Comes to Live [1] would have come out just a bit sooner. Turns out it's not just for (grand)children.

This review by Rabbi Goldie Milgram first appeared in the Philadephia Jewish Voice