Well-conceived bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah preparation processes, rituals and celebrations lead to wonderful developmental outcomes such as these that we have identified through exit interviews with our program participants:
Sacred Shifts Possible through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Process
a NewCaje seminar with Rabbi Dr. Goldie Milgram, director ReclaimingJudaism.org © 2010
Here are specific goals, desirable developmental shifts that, once thoughtfully addressed, are likely to reclaim the meaning, relevance and empowerment that our study shows families are seeking:
1. Parents shift from stressed taskmasters to empowered family bar/bat mitzvah team members.
2. Youth go from being cared for like children to becoming young adult community-builders, caring for others by learning to recognize, respect and consider the needs of others and acting accordingly.
3. Youth go from being entertained as guests at birthday parties to taking on the mitzvah of helping one another by carrying out assigned hosting tasks at the bar/bat mitzvah services and celebrations of family and friends.
4. Youth unaccustomed to responsibility for major tasks are guided into becoming young adults who are trained, supported and successful in carrying out a major life task.
5. Youth discovering traditional interpretations of Torah are also mentored in how to find personal meaning for living through the lens of Torah.
6. Students who are accustomed to passively receiving information are mentored in communicating meaning to others and step up to the plate at their B-mitzvah as empowered first-time teachers of Torah.
7. Disempowered parents who engage tutors shift to being empowered parents who seek out meaning-making mentors including family, friends and professionals.
8. Youth are guided in learning the stages of the Exodus story so they begin to appreciate how people change, as they begin to appreciate their own movement from childhood into young adulthood.
9. Youth move from the 21st century culture of "self" to delighting in to the realization that they are an important part of an amazing "tribe" with a rich, diverse culture, effective spiritual practices, and mitzvah-centered life models.
10.Youth who are fairly unaware of their own capabilities are mentored to engage their talents and learning strengths creatively throughout the B- mitzvah process so they come out as young adults preparing to serve as cultural, political, religious, etc., contributors to the Jewish future.
11.Families accustomed to caterer-driven B-mitzvah celebrations become advocates for renewal of Jewish culture by bringing Jewish artists, maggidim (storytellers), folk dance teachers, badhanim (humorists) and such back to the celebratory experience in religious communities.
12. Parents, youth and educators are guided from talking about G*d towards the potential for questioning, listening for and experiencing G*d by coming to understand Judaism as a coherent system of synergistic practices where we co-create the Godfield.
13. Students and families go from being isolated in their process and provided primarily kashrut standards and dates at orientation meetings, to community building by learning in home-based settings, on field trips, and rotating hosting of Shabbat and holidays in homes.